Follow Me, To A Magical Weekend of The Randomest Selection of Entertainment Ever to Transpire in Washington, DC
I have a lot of recommendations for this weekend guys. And this weekend?
It starts RIGHT NOW.
If you follow this timeline with blind faith and utmost precision, you may just be able to spot some of the best / sassiest / most talented artists and scenesters this side of Greenpoint. Yes, they are migrating south for this winter, and are taking over the District of Columbia. Bring a butterfly net and you might even be able to catch them and take them back to Silver Spring or Arlington or wherever.
First things first: You want to start your weekend with some good old fashioned Soapboxing. No, this is not related to jello wrestling. (Unfortunately? Fortunately?) In any case, Monica Jahan Bose will perform Indelible Scent (does this mean I cannot use this as the name my first celebrity-inspired perfume??) at 7pm. Then, Eames Armstrong will present a slideshow from Art Basel (very helpful if you didn’t make it down, though if you weren’t there I must assume you are trapped in an iron lung somewhere in the 1920s) THEN to top it off Bryana Siobhan will perform Center of Five, which bears no relation to the Party of the Same Number. According to the facebook page, “holiday sweaters or Miami inspired attire encouraged, festive cookies welcome.” Good call.
After that, I recommend a good night’s sleep because...
Bright and early Friday (starts at 11 - is the sun even up then?) you will want to check out the last day of Worn Magazine’s Edited for Goodwill pop-up at Pepco Edison Gallery. I know that was a lot of words, but you went to bed early last night, remember? You’re fine.
In the evening, you are going to be stressed because you are going to have to first stop by Brandon Wetherbee’s Friday night standby at The Wonderland, You Me Them Everybody, then book it down to DC’s newest interesting thing - literally less than a day old - 9th & Beats. It is the brainchild of local arts and music machines Rachel Gwynne-Eisley and Dave Mann, and if everything goes according to their loose and still-evolving plan, it is going to kick ass. On the docket on Friday will be a variety show presented by Greg Roth, aka Man on the Street DC. God speed!
You will have the perfect excuse to finally trek over to Union Market because at EIGHT IN THE MORNING those warm fuzzy beautiful carebears at Benevolent Media are opening The Giving Market. Perfect for your karma if you were a grinch in a past life, or past... last night.
At 2pm you are going to be hungry and will want to dispense with the “giving” and proceed with the “getting” so follow my instructions very carefully. Go to 1103 19th Street NW, and go inside a tiny silver box called “OH FISH!” and look for a group of people writing haikus, folding origami, learning to roll their own sushi, and viewing and bidding on all manner of local fine art, soft sculpture, photography, jewelry etc etc. Look for weird foreign-looking word, BIKKURIBAKO. I may or may not be there. I have no idea.
Then, you won’t even believe this, but I have found ANOTHER glorious opportunity to go somewhere cool, be surrounded by supermodels, and buy things that wouldn’t go into a WALMART if their lives depended on it. That opportunity is called Ulysses Room’s Night Market.
After the refined nature of all of those holiday markets, you are probably going to want a hamburger covered in pulled duck and bacon or something, and some loud / raucous / experimental / scuzzy / rock n roll music from four superstar local bands: PRIESTS http://priests.bandcamp.com/ Cigarette http://cigarette.bandcamp.com/ Sex Tide http://sextide.bandcamp.com/ Foul Swoops http://foulswoops.blogspot.com/
Where is that, you ask? The Pinch, that’s where, and it is weird and divey and awesome and don’t tell anyone there about all of the artisanal hand-crafted gifts you bought today. Not the right time.
You still with me? You look tired. Take this time to take bloody marys and coffee intravenously and read existential poetry until 3pm. Why until 3pm, you ask? Because I control your weekend, that’s why.
At 3pm, it is time to dance bhangra, eat samosa pie, and listen to traditional Indian ragas with DC’s most beloved avant-pop performing arts and theater production group: banished? productions. Unlike us, the folks at banished? have evolved past things like capitalization of letters and interrogative punctuation only at the ends of sentences. It shows through their astounding productions and their great parties, of which this one is called the Jolly Bolly Holiday Bash & CurioShop Launch. With a name like that, you’re a fool not to trek up to Petworth.
Lastly, and probably most importantly, I would compel you to dive ever deeper into the dark, comforting womb of the local performing arts scene by giving yourself to the wave of insanity that will surely be Catalina Lavalle and Deena Hyatt’s Secret Sunday Performance Party: Dance Till You Die & Are Reborn as Catalina on Her 27th Birthday. Some other folks you might be friends with on facebook will also be making appearances. If you don’t get how serious this is, allow me to further explicate: THEY MADE A VIDEO FLYER. RSVP via Tixelated.
One last recommendation (prescription?) I have is that you should probably take Monday off of work. You totally earned it with all the partying you accomplished this weekend.
Until next time,
Anonymous Party Monster #365
Short URL: http://bit.ly/TXvHs4